As I grew up, I felt as if I was frequently looking and trying to live two or three steps ahead of myself, rather than enjoying fully where I was at. For example, I thought middle school was so great, until I hit eighth grade. Then, I was beyond over it and just wanted to be "cool" and in high school. Then after two ish year of high school, the excitement of being there died a little bit, and then I just couldn't wait to get my license. Then I was focusing on graduating high school and going to college, then getting married, etc. etc. I was constantly trying to live life according to the perfect plan, but I've found that that "plan" was far from perfect.
I feel like I have learned so much about myself, and others, while being here on this trip. If nothing else, I have learned that the time I spend and share with others is positive or negative because I choose for it to be either or. I was always a busy body in high school, and I prided myself off of that. However, I can't express enough how wrong I was to live that way. Being busy and productive is important, but it shouldn't conflict or trump the time you are to spend with those you love.
I love taking in the small moments. I feel like these are what I've remembered most from my past; walking to and on this frozen pond with my dad, making quesadillas with Linds after jumping the Fruita bridge during the summer, riding my tag along with my mom to the beanie baby shop every week when I was young, crafting for hours with Jessica, taking drives with Dal when he came to visit, etc. The big things are great, but I also need to remember how important the little things are to me. I'm no expert, but I know that if I pay more attention and give attention to those who I love and care about, or that need love and caring, I will be a much happier individual. I love where I am at and what I am doing. I don't need to worry about what's next quite yet, I will focus and worry about those issues/events when they come my way.
On a different note, I saw this man walking down the street today and I took a quick look at his graphic tee as he got closer to me. I typically enjoy reading the t-shirts here, because they're mostly translated incorrectly and say really funny English phrases that don't make the slightest bit of sense. However, this man's said, "The door will always remain open until you decide to close it". I read that and thought, well duh, you have to close an open door for it to be shut. But then, a recent occurrence suddenly popped into my head. I began thinking about this phrase less literally and more figuratively. A few seconds of deep thinking led me to realizing that we cause ourselves a lot more anxiety, stress, frustration, sadness, etc. by leaving doors open that should have been shut long ago. I know from personal experience that I sometimes allow unhealthy things to just hang around because I'm afraid to hurt peoples' feelings. However, I think after many years of my passive behavior, I think I've finally realized that some doors need to be closed, and maybe even locked. They were typically closed for a good reason.
I know this is quite the deep and reflective post, but I couldn't help but think about these things as I sat by myself on my balcony and enjoyed the Chinese thunderstorm. They are beautiful here; the showers' onset is unreal and how the sky lights up when a thunderbolt strikes is so beautiful. This, too, is one of those little things I really enjoy, and see myself enjoying for many years to come.
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